Rehabilitation is for Quitters

image- http://www.photobucket.com - user- noctiss

It begins with one taste. It creeps up on you like a predator upon its quarry, leaving you no place to run or hide, all you can do is give in. You take one bite and it’s like you’ve lost control over all your senses.

It doesn’t matter that your dignity is gone; all that matters is that you get some more. Just one more taste of that thing that drives all your senses crazy. It’s luscious, it’s unsettling, it’s satisfying, and it’s uncontrollable yet it gives you the greatest pleasure as well as the greatest pain.

Then the only thing that matters is this insatiable desire, the madness that it evokes and race to submit yourself to it completely.

The only people that can identify with this are those with addictions. Addictions come in different shapes and sizes but they all do the same thing to you, they consume you and leave you wondering where the real you got left behind.

My addiction was my relationship.

From the outside it was perfect, we’d been together 3 years….and had made it through the most tumultuous times, mentally and physically intact.

Year one was the universally accepted honeymoon period. Year two was the roughest, lying, cheating and breaking hearts. And I didn’t do either.

But we survived, after a lot of effort we lived through our third year together. Then it happened.A day without seeing him meant I would be the nastiest woman around.

I began to overlook all his flaws ,his convenient lies that I could see through and forgave everything so I could have my fill of him.

When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t recognise myself anymore. I didn’t look much different but the person I was looking for just wasn’t looking back.

It was wrong, painful and worst of all it was tearing me apart. I couldn’t figure out whether I was addicted to him or to the pain that he put me through. Was being masochistic my big flaw?

Smoking, drinking, drug addiction and an unhealthy relationship….all begin innocently and end badly. Ironically, the cigarette is the one that burns but it’s the human that goes to ashes, the bottle doesn’t bleed, the liver does. The jerk didn’t cry, I did.

Then I stood up. I walked away. It was the hardest thing in the world. If addictions were supposed to be easy, they wouldn’t be known as addictions. Living a life without the support of something that made me whole was unthinkable.

That’s when I realised Rehabilition IS for quitters. It’s for those people who want to quit being victims to their own stupid choices.

It’s high time you start being the predator.

 

A story of a woman- as told to the author.

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Published in: on December 1, 2010 at 1:45 pm  Comments (1)  
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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Completely… Anything that sucks the self respect from you is not worth it.. I’m going through it myself… its the toughest thing in the world and you mite just lose focus at times. But I guess if you want to get your life back on track, you have to be the quitter!


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